Who am I? Who are you? What are we Eating?

This morning I dreamed several abstract scenarios, all of which involved me deliberately wasting my life. I didn’t need my dreams to tell me that. I wasted a gorgeous morning simply by lingering in bed. My list of morning activities, stacked neatly in my mind from the night before, are all left undone. I have nothing but regret and contempt for my lack of will.

Yesterday it hit 80 degrees for the first time this season, and the sundresses and short-shorts were out in droves. I’m certain that not a single person was indoors, if they could help it. I often describe living in New York as constantly exiting a sold out concert. You’re not going anywhere as fast as you’d like, so deal with it. And try not to punch someone.

So last night it was ridiculous for us to think that we would be able to have a lovely stroll around the charming West Village, and with no reservations, find a good restaurant with an outdoor table waiting for us. Could be Midwestern naïveté, or pure stupidity. I think we thought we’d just get lucky. The more we walked, the more tired and hungry we became, and the less patience we had for long waits. As we pressed on, the sheer volume of people in the area continued to grow, and our chances were looking slim.

We found ourselves eventually in an area somewhere between The Village and SoHo that was mysterious and unfamiliar. The crowd had gradually thinned out, cute sidewalk cafes gave way to warehouses, and soon we found ourselves completely alone and exhausted. We eventually made our way back to civilization, but being alone on the street for that moment was kind of nice. I found my thoughts quieted for once. I am acutely aware of my own insignificance; I constantly wonder what my place is in the world. Why am I here, what is my purpose, what the hell should I be doing with my life, and all those existential questions that inevitably arise in our subconscious. I find those thoughts haunt me now more than ever, surrounded by the New York mob of people traveling through life together.

Our Saturday evening did not have a happy ending, I’m sad to say. And this morning I hid in bed. But I have been given an opportunity for redemption – today is another beautiful day. I still have time for some of those activities I wanted to do, and I have time to plan dinner tonight. I control my destiny.