Swine Flu = Bad

I am happy to report that the dreaded Swine Flu cannot be contracted from doing one of my favorite activities: eating bacon. In fact, it cannot be passed on to humans via the consumption of any pig-derived foodstuffs. However, in light of the recent reports citing the presence of this dangerous viral strain in NYC, I have decided to change my habits slighty:

1. Up my hand washing to approximately 1,000 times per day. As if I didn't have enough bacteria and GodKnowsWhat to worry about on the subway.
2. Cease and desist all daydreams that involve me lying in the beach in Mexico. I'm sure Hawaii is just as lovely, if not lovelier, in my imagination.
3. Cancel all upcoming petting zoo excursions.
4. Avoid the general public.
5. Hide in bed. Oh wait, I've already got that one covered.

You really can never be too careful when it comes to your health.