Monday, September 21, 2009

If I had a Pig Head

What does one do with a van full of watermelons?

Last weekend I saw a parked van with its sliding side door swung wide open, exposing the vehicle as a mobile watermelon treasure chest. Of course I had to stop what I was doing and take a picture.

No one was selling the watermelons. There was a little stand nearby, but from what I could tell they were peddling frozen treats. Not whole watermelons. That's just ridiculous. Some little kid on the playground: "Mommy! I want a watermelon!" (points to the van) Mom: "No no sweetie, it's not like picking a Halloween pumpkin." Kid: "But I want this one!"

So, seriously, what do you do with a van full of watermelons? They must be headed somewhere. Maybe somewhere interesting. A party. A big one. A big party for Brad and Angelina and their 6 or 7 (right? I totally lost count) kids out on Long Island. Yeah.

My husband is used to me. He knows what it means when I say, "hang on..." and I slow down my step and start digging in my purse for my iPhone-with-handy-built-in-camera. It means I've come across some sort of New York oddity that must be documented so that when I inevitably return to the Midwest I can maintain a worldly sense of perspective (Not all vans are full of soccer equipment, I'll remind myself 10 years from now. Some are full of watermelons. Watermelons that go to fabulous star-studded Long Island parties.).

Exhibit B: Giant, sparkling hot dogs, being prepped for what I imagine to be some decadent outdoor soiree in Madison Square Park, featuring, oh, let's see, the guy-who-always-wins-those-hot-dog-eating-contests and the cast of Saturday Night Live.

Then there are the pig heads. The pig heads disturb me.

Not even for obvious reasons (what, like that they're flat-out creepy looking? That the eyes are fair game, but God forbid they leave the skin on??). I am cool with other cultures and their cuisines and whatnot. I'm even a pretty adventurous eater. What disturbs me is that these guys are in a cafeteria-style bin right next to the register, as if they might be considered an impulse purchase. "Let's see... I got everything I need... hmmm...... well, what the heck, I think I'll just get a pack of gum, too. And a People magazine. And I better get one of these pig heads."

If I had a van full of watermelons, I'd make sangria. If I had a sparkling hot dog, I'd display it on my porch. If I had a pig head, I have absolutely no idea what I'd do with it.

(On quick personl rnt, my "A" key is not working nd it's relly frustrting. If I wnt n "A" I relly hve to push down on it quite forcefully, more thn once, nd then mybe, just mybe, my keybord decides to give it to me. Don't worry - I'll try not to let it interefere with my postings. Fortuntely, my "E" key works, s it's the most commonly used letter in the English lnguge. Food for thought.)

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